I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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