the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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