Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
