i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I want her autograph on my taint
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
