is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I faked an abortion last night.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
