I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
