I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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