my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
