so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
