If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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