Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
