he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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