Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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