A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
