CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Randomize
