And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
We left the knife in your bed.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
