we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
