so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
