Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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