Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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