I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Can you bring me the toilet please
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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