just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
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