Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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