the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
