his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
