mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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