tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
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