My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Randomize
