is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
