ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
