Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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