She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
