we'll go far in life on tits alone.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
