I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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