I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
