They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
