i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I need moral support for this bender
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
