Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
