btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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