My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
