YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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