I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Randomize
