I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
