So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
it was like eating out sand paper
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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