i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
