Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
