I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
