I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
