Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
