for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
