Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
