I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
