you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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